Taco Burrito Theory Episode 2: Burrito Tuesday

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 2: Burrito Tuesday

Burrito Tuesday (TBT Episode 2)

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 2: Burrito Tuesday

This story is part of a series:

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 1: Taco Burrito Theorem 101

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 2: Burrito Tuesday

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 4: Takosuburito

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 5: Global Crisis Imminent!

The long weekend had came and went, and most students in Professor Fandanglesburgerstein’s Taco Burrito Theorem 101 had completely given up on their assignment, betting against the odds that they’d ever be called upon on Wednesday.

It was Tuesday night and a group of students were headed down to Garnett Street for cheap tacos and beer. It was Taco-Tuesday after all.

“God, I love Taco Tuesday,” Danny Flelldalgo said.

“I’ll drink to that,” Shannon Haustella said.

The rest of the students nodded in agreement and raised their glasses for cheers.

“What are you going to do if you get called on Wednesday?” Shannon asked Danny.

“I really don’t know,” Danny said. “I still don’t get the whole taco-burrito thing. He said it was about spatial continuums-spectrum something? I have no clue.”

“Sort of. You’re close. Remember he said the most basic function of the theory was size and purpose?” Shannon said.

“Size and purpose, huh?” Danny said. “I don’t know. I guess I’m still not getting it.”

The waitress came by the group’s table with their tacos.

“I’ve got 2 fish and 1 lobster,” she said.

“Yup, right here.”

“And a steak and chicken.”

“Here. Thanks.”

“And the rest are shrimp. Here you go. Can I get you guys anything else?”

“Another pitcher, please. And probably some more tacos later,” Danny said.

Shannon rolled her eyes. “Why didn’t you just order a burrito if you’re that hungry?”

“A burrito on Taco Tuesday?!” Danny said. “That’s got to be sacrilege.”

The manager of the restaurant happened to be walking by at that moment and overheard the exchange.

“Your friend’s right. Burritos and Tuesdays don’t mix,” the manager said. “They just don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Shannon said.

“We tried it a long time ago. Wasn’t pretty.”

“Okay… What does that mean?”

“Well, when the Taco Tuesday thing really took off down here, we jumped on the bandwagon like everyone else. Taco and beer specials all night. After a while, we decided we wanted to do something to stand out. So Burrito Bro’s-day was born. We still did it on Tuesday, but didn’t want to lose the alliteration. Good marketing, alliterations,” the manager said.

“So you thought you’d put everyone else’s ‘Taco Tuesday’ in terrible trouble,” Danny said and smiled.

“Uh, what?” The manager said. “Anyways, our plan was pretty much that same, just instead of taco deals we did burrito deals. $1 burritos, $2 burritos if you wanted fries in it. Pretty damn good deals if you ask me. And everyone loved it. Burritos were selling like crazy.”

“Who would even buy that many burritos?” Shannon said.

“Well, when they’re that cheap and spelled bro-ritos and it’s Burrito Bro’s-day and there’s cheap beer too… Well everyone,” the manager said.

“Yeah, I believe that. I would,” Danny said.

Shannon rolled her eyes again.

“Anyway, the stomach can only take so many burritos and so many beers all at once. And sparing you most of the details, we had to close down for a week to clean up the vomit. We were still finding pink chunky stuff in the nooks and crannies like months later. Our entire wait-staff quit. We don’t sell burritos like that anymore, bros. No way, no how. Enjoy.”

The group suddenly lost their appetite. The spared details aside, the manager shared enough for each of the students to paint their own picture.

“Well, that was disgusting,” Shannon said.

“We doing another pitcher?” someone asked.

Danny sat in silence with a pensive look on his face.

“Danny, what’s up?” Shannon said.

“That’s it.”


“The taco burrito theory. There it is!” Danny said. “Taco Tuesday could never work with burritos. Size and purpose, like you said. Boom! Taco Burrito theory, bitches.”


Read the next story in this series: Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404