Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404

Burrito Expansionism 404 (TBT Episode 3)

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404

This story is part of a series:

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 1: Taco Burrito Theorem 101

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 2: Burrito Tuesday

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 3: Burrito Expansionism 404

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 4: Takosuburito

Taco Burrito Theory Episode 5: Global Crisis Imminent!


“Welcome to Burrito Expansionism 404. I recognize most of your faces, so welcome back. This semester, you’ll have a single assignment – an essay, page-length of your choosing, on your stance on the subject matter that this course covers. Which is, of course, Burrito Expansionism or as some would have it, destructionism. Speaking of course of our universe,” Professor Fandanglesburgerstein said as he welcomed his students to the upper level class.

Chatter filled the auditorium. It seemed most students had forgotten some of the fundamental principles of the Taco Burrito theory that created the building blocks for more advanced theories such as Burrito Expansionism.

“So we can get off on the right foot, we’ll begin with a quick refresher,” Professor Fandanglesburgerstein said. “Grant, would you like to give the class an example of the Taco Burrito theory?”

“Well, okay. Yes, sure. I can do that. Sure thing, Professor,” Grant said. “Well, my favorite example to think of is in terms of actual tacos and burritos. I want to be a chef after all, you know, so it helps me to think in terms of food.”

“Very good, Grant. Please continue.”

“So, I think of it like this. If you’re making a taco, you can’t put too many ingredients in it or you won’t be able to pick it up and eat it. You’d have been better off making a burrito. And if you’re making a burrito, well, you don’t want to under OR overfill it, you know. Either make a taco or get a bigger tortilla. That’s how I think of it,” Grant said.

“That’s a good example. Thank you, Grant. However, we can’t forget to think of one’s level of hunger in that case. Externalities and contextual inputs have huge implications on the theory. Remember that. Very well, let’s continue,” Professor Fandanglesburgerstein said.

The semester went on and the students grew more and more interested or disinterested- either way. The student demographics for this course were a healthy mix of stoners (still), true Taco-Burrito theorists, and some astronomy students.

The main lesson from the course was fairly simple; our universe was the ultimate burrito. The largest ‘thing’ that the Taco Burrito theory could be applied to, naturally. And as with any theory, there were a few different schools of thought.

One believed that the tortilla of the universe, if you will, was the optimal size from its beginnings – nothing has changed in it since and nothing will change ever.

Another took the stance that the tortilla of our burrito universe was actually ever-expanding, as were its contents – galaxies, planets, life forms, etc. Some sort of space-burrito growing to accommodate its ingredients.

And still another believed that while the contents of our universe were indeed expanding, our tortilla was not, and eventually, just like an overstuffed burrito – or a taco as some believe – it would eventually reach a point of inevitable collapse and ultimate destruction.

“And with our semester coming to a close, I’d like to remind you all of your single assignment,” Professor Fandanglesburgerstein said. “Please pick a stance on Burrito Expansionism and provide your reasoning for doing so. The paper can be as long or short as it needs to be, in the spirit of the Taco Burrito theory, of course. And, please, remember, think outside of just physical space as well, it may help you with your reasoning.”

A astronomy student in the back of the class raised his hand. “I’m sorry, Professor, but a ‘burrito-universe.’ In everything I’ve learned in astronomy, I’ve got to ask, and please excuse my language, but what that actual fuck are we talking about?”


Read the next story in this series: Taco Burrito Theory Episode 4: Takosuburito